when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
