Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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