Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
