Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
