i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
