as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
