She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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