just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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