I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
