After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
