I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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