Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
