OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
