you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
