I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
