tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
