if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
