You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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