just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
