My hand turned me down
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Less talking, more tequila
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
