As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
