Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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