it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
