That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's shark week go big or go home
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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