I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
