Ambien. No doubt about it.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
