I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
