I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
