I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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