At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
