I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
