she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
