I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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