So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
