you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
