Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize