hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
