Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
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At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
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My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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