Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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