she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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