I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
