I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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