dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
