this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
