I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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