I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
