Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
