Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
