Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
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Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
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I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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