if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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