I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
