There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
