After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have fence marks all over my body
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
