im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
