Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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