drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
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I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
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He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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