also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
