i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
